This is going to be one of those quick posts about,well..not much.

I am either crazy or foolish,but I decided to potty train Matilda. Ugh. I'm regretting that particular decision right about now,but..we persevere.

See,I was going to wait until March,because Erik will be at school and I could focus on it completely. Plus,it will be warmer by then,and we could just do the dress/panty route. Julianna was 28 months when I trained her,and it went quite quickly. But,nooo. I ended up getting the little potty out to 'introduce' her to it,and she kinda started using it. Well,I couldn't back down then,or she would be confused.

So,day 1 and 2 were great. She only had one accident each day. I was so proud! I was even planning a post about tips & tricks for potty training.

Then,day 3. Oh my gosh. She pretty much spent the whole day peeing on herself. I was so disappointed because I had been cooped up in the house for 72 hours saying "Tillie,do you need to pee-pee/go potty?" I felt like all that hard work was wasted. However,I woke up today with a resolve to press on,and pretend like yesterday didn't happen.

And,day 4 was perfect. :D YAY! She peed,she pooped (TMI?),and she didn't have one accident. Also,on day 2 she told me she wanted to go in the big potty. So,I stuck the baby potty back in the closet,and she's been going on the big potty ever since. Woooo!

I was thinking of taking her to the store tomorrow and testing her out,but I think I'll give her a few more days.

Also,Erik and I went to the OCS Graduation Ball last night. It was nice. They did have free (read:inept) childcare there,so that was ok. I think we learned some things about what NOT to do next time,and I'm sure there will be a next time,as each cycle there is a ball after the candidates finish their school.

Julianna took this one,after we got home. I did have on a nice lipstick while we were there. ;o)

Annnnnd,let's see. The kids and I are heading home in a few weeks,and we'll be there for a few weeks. Erik has to do school,and it will be good for him to just focus on that,and not have to worry about us.

On the weight loss front,not much is happening. I mean,142-144 is where my body wants to hang out at. Unless I slash my caloric intake to 1200 a day,I can't go lower than that. Obviously,it's hard to eat like more for more than 3-4 days because I am pretty active taking care of the kids and stuff. So. Where do I go from here? Accept it? Try a no carb/lo carb thing? Eat massive amounts of donuts? *Ahem*

And that's all the randomness I have for now. :)

I thought.

I thought I should pop in,you know,and let y'all know how things are going.

I'm actually feeling so much stronger. I'm telling you,isolation truly gives power to the voice of the one who wants to deceive you. Putting in out in the light allows you to see it for what it is.

I have felt so supported and loved on this week,by various precious friends and family who have encouraged me.

The Lord has also shown Himself to me in SO many ways this week. A sweet friend called out of the blue,during one of my worst moments,and cried on MY behalf. That's deep. My tears came later,but for her to be so authentic and love on MY pain helped me. A precious lady at Macy's (an angel,I'm sure) gave me a 40% discount on a ballgown that I could not afford.

Small mercies,new- every single day.

I have steeped myself in God's Word this week,and it has been so rich. Just going back to the beginning,Genesis,and watching God unfold His creation,and see His perfect plan has been wonderful for me. Right now,I'm in the middle of Moses leading the people out of Egypt. Moses,just an ordinary guy,chosen by God to do something extraordinary! One of my favorite passages of the Bible to read is when Moses is leading the people out of Egypt,and they get to the Red Sea. Suddenly,they see the Egyptians coming after them-the people are terrified,and complaining at Moses about why he "brought them into the desert to die". And this is what he tells them:

Exodus 14:13-14 (emphasis mine)
¹³ Moses answered the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. ¹⁴ The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Just be still. He will fight for YOU (and me).

And,just in case you don't know the whole story, the Lord enabled Moses to separate the Red Sea on their behalf,and they crossed,safely.

God's perfect plan. And it is perfect. It was for Moses,and it is for each of us.

I heard this amazing song the other day on the radio,and it really ministered to my heart. It's called We Are by Kari Jobe. Here's a little section of it.


Every secret, every shame
Every fear, every pain
Live inside the dark
But that's not who we are
We are children of the day

So wake up sleeper, lift your head
We were meant for more than this
Fight the shadows conquer death
Make the most of the time we have left

Truly,we were meant for more than this. And I am so thankful that this is not my home. There is something better.

Remembering the good news,
Lindsay

So..

It's a new week.

Amazingly enough,I love Mondays! Truly,it's such a nice treat to have a fresh,clean start to do the 7 days you're given just a little better than you did before.

Last week was SO tough for me. I posted a long post,and then took it down. It was just a huge pile of emotions being thrown out for all to see. I will put it back up,because I am not here to convince anyone that my life is perfect.

I have flaws,no doubt about it.

However,there is always sunshine after the storm. Praise the Lord for it! Even though last week was dark and cloudy,I know the sun will re-emerge.

I was able to talk to a few people in my life,and admit some of the issues I'm struggling with. It's a balance,though,because I don't want to share with my feelings with someone who will be harsh and tell me to 'get over it' OR,have someone coddle me and affirm holding on to these negative feelings.

So,I'm moving on. I'm closing the door on the past. I'm looking back at Fort Campbell with fond memories of truly precious bonds I was able to form. I still love the women who encouraged me,challenged me,and held me accountable while I was there.

However,this is a new season of life. This is a time for a fresh start,and I must be available to the Father to do the work He's called me to do.

Resting in Him,

Being Honest.

It's February. Can you believe it?

This year,like all the others,is flying by.

And for me,this has been a year of little joy. Oh,how it grieves my heart to admit that I've been resting in discontentment,bitterness,and anger for far to long.

It's hard to wrap words around this struggle because it feels a bit like admitting defeat. As a military wife,I pride myself on being a 'supermom/wife/friend/daughter' of sorts. A jack of all trades,if you will.

Need a clean diaper? I can provide! Want a listening ear? I'm totally here. Babysitter? I can do it! Documents printed out,lunch packed neatly,PT's laid by the door? Check,check and check.

I truly PRIDE myself on being able to do it all-and wear a smile while you're at it.

But the truth is,I am not super anything. I'm not even above average. I can't do it all.

Despite my best intentions,and gung-ho attitude,I have found myself discouraged,disgruntled and in despair.

It's the worst kind,really,because when you look at things on the outside (and,oh,how we try to make the outside look...),there is blessings abounding. A roof over our head? Clothes on our backs? Food on the table? All generously provided,by a loving Father.

And yet,somehow,in the midst of all this,I have been rendered useless by believing the father of lies,over the Father who sent His Son to die for me.

It's so easy really. It 1 Peter 5:8,he tells us to be 'self controlled and alert'. Why? 'Because your enemy prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.'

I guess he found me. I do feel a bit like I've been chewed up and spit out.

When we found out we were on orders for Fort Benning,I went into obligatory 'let's do this' mode. I made reservations,packed boxes,planned the trip,and mentally dropped out of my life at Fort Campbell.

After all,all the work the Lord did in my heart at Fort Campbell was surely to equip me for this new thing. And so,I would go,joyfully,preparing the children,and the house..

but neglecting to prepare my heart.

And,I have paid for it.

Instead of being so concerned about touch up paint,and cleaning out the closets,I should have been in the closet,on my knees,asking the Lord to help prepare my heart for what He had in store for me. I should have waited..

...and listened for the wisdom that comes when you open your heart to the Lord.

About a month ago,I was thinking about a sweet lady named Ms. Juanita who came to my house once a week in the Summer,and took me a through a discipleship course on how to grow in my walk. What a sweet and precious time of growth that was for me,as we hunched over my kitchen table,sharing verses and inspiration from the Word,gleaned during the week. Truly a Titus 2 woman,Ms. Juanita shared so much godly wisdom with me,during that hour each week.

During my last Wednesday night at church,I went into the kitchen to grab something for a friend,and Ms. Juanita pulled me aside for a big hug,and said some sweet things to me.

And I smiled,and said something glib about how this is the Lord's will,and we're so excited to go...and thankful for this opportunity...

And what I should have said was... Thank you so much. Thank you for investing your time into my life. Thank you for driving to my house each week,in rain or shine,and pouring your life into mine. Thank you for not being distracted by screaming babes or wild 4 year olds. Thank you for equipping me for this new mission. I love you so much,and I will miss you terribly. I wouldn't want to leave without you knowing how much you mean to me.

But I didn't,and I regret it horribly. There were so many amazing people at Fort Campbell that loved on our family,and stood with us through times of trial,and I just didn't tell them how much it meant to me.

This is one of the many lessons the Holy Spirit has given me during this intense time of trial. It's OK to feel. It's OK to be sad. It's OK to mourn when a special time in your life ends. It's OK to admit that *this* hurts. It's OK to acknowledge that making intense bonds with people,and then leaving them behind is painful. It's OK to tell them that you will miss them,and that you love them. I stuffed a lot of hurt down as we were preparing to leave,and thought that this new life would take it all away.

It's like fleas,though. If you had them in your old house,you're going to have them at your new one,too. Unfortunately,all that pain I stuffed down has found its way up,and I'm now having to deal with it.

I miss my house. I miss my friends. I miss my neighbors. I miss my church . I miss my Bible study class. I miss playdates. I miss it all.

Just saying it out 'loud' is so freeing. Just being able to admit that this isn't that great (right now),and that I'm having a hard time with it,and that I don't have any friends,and that I'm lonely,and that it's been terribly hard to find a church,and that it's hard to get out of bed some mornings helps take the sting away.

It's been a hard road,and I'm still unsure of why we're here,and what God has in store for us.

Here's what I do know,though. The God of Fort Campbell,Kentucky is the God of Fort Benning,Georgia. He is the Sovereign Creator of the Universe. He knit me together in my mother's womb,and He has lovingly carried me through many times of trials. He is a God of the mountain AND of the valley. He is the God of sunshine and rain. He has a purpose for me. He promised me that!

Jeremiah 29:11- For I know the plans I have for you,plans to prosper you and not to harm you,plans to give you hope and a future.

And,no,He wasn't just talking to Jeremiah. He was talking to me (and YOU),too.

I know that in Him,and Him alone,I am a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17),and that He is doing a good work in me. (Philippians 1:6)

I know that there is purpose in the pain.
And so,I will press on,persevering,knowing that this is for His glory,not mine.

-If you've taken the time to read this entire post,please know that I appreciate it so much. I have been holding this in for a while,but isolation is a tool of the devil. I am going to bring this to light,and watch the Lord redeem the broken mess in my heart. Thank you for walking with me. If you are struggling today,and want to bring it to light,feel free to e-mail at at LindsNJuli@aol.com so that I can pray for you.-

Matilda's Birthday

Last week,my little Boo turned 2!!

I can hardly believe our little red caboose is a big girl. :)

We celebrated on Saturday since daddy was home from work. We had such a great day together. We started out the morning with a breakfast treat (Pop-tarts). They don't get them very often,so the girls are super excited when they get,as Tillie calls them,Pop-Toits.

Then,we headed over to Monkey Joe's to play. We had a ton of fun! The girls loved it,and mom and dad got quite the workout. Whew. Tillie is heavy- ha!

We did have a small casualty,though. We were getting ready to leave,and I took the girls up the slide one last time. This little girl behind us was quite rambunctious,and could hardly wait for us to get out of the way. We were at the bottom of the slide,helping the kids off,and she came barreling down. Unfortunately,her face connected with my elbow (for those that don't know,I have a bunch of metal in there,a faux elbow,if you will). As soon as it happened,her eye turned black and swelled up. It was awful! I walked her over to her grandpa and apologized profusely,and then we got ready to go. As we were leaving,her party was at the front complaining about ME,and the fact that I was on the slides with my kids. @@ Nothing else came of it,though. It did put a damper on my afternoon,though. Anyway,we lunched at Chick-a-lay,had a nice nap,and then opened some presents and ate some cake!


Here now,is your picture overload.

Minnie Mouse themed,obvi.


Sister girls ready to go!
Playing at Monkey Joes. Y'all can I take a small detour to say that I have been having a bad hair day since...uh November? My hair is not loving this Georgia weather,and I haven't been able to wear it down for weeks!
Oh man,I love this little 'boose!
Daddy..he was sweating by the time we left!
Tillie opened her presents. Minnie Mouse galore!!


And then,there was cake!

Y'all like my cake? More pics of that coming right up! :)

Thanks for checking out our pictures. It was such a great day,with my 5 and 2 year old girls. Now...how to convince Erik we need another,STAT!

A few more room pictures.

A few pictures of Matilda's room. It's quite plain. It's funny,when they are a baby,you want to make their room as visually appealing as possible. When they are toddlers,you want to take as much stimulation out of their room as possible! LOL

I will say,this K-Mart furniture that we paid 500 bucks total for,has gotten quite a workout,and has help up quite gracefully. Armoire:

Changing table:

crib:

And,the playroon,which is actually the 3rd bedroom. Berry Bitty city:
Left side.
Now,there isn't anything on the walls in there for one reason. Nothing will stick on the walls!! I have tried numerous types of tape,and nothing will stick on the walls. I had some of the cutest posters (educational) to put up,and they won't stay.

Julianna's Room

After Julianna turned 5,I decided she needed a room re-do.

She's had the same bedspread/decor since she moved into a big girl bed at 2.

She's a big girl now! I spent about 100 dollars total,which is my idea of a frugal re-do. Here are some pictures:

The right side of her room. I re-did her bulletin board. The butterflies,which you will see again,are from my sister's old room,so they were a free addition. The scrapbook paper,was only about .40 a piece at Hobby Lobby. I also got the big pink basket there,for 7 dollars. We use it to store library books.
the window in the middle of the room. I re-painted her letter,and put new ribbon on them. I spray painted the plant stand a light pink,and then there are 2 butterfly photo collages on the wall. One os hot pink,and one is light pink (spray painted.) I also got this cute flower shelf thing from HL.
Left side of her room. Her bed. I got the bedspread for 15 dollars at Ross,and was able to keep the same bedskirt,sheets and blanket. It's really cute,with butterflies,hearts,etc. on it. I am disappointed about ONE thing. I ordered a green pillowcase,with hot pink polka dots from Etsy,to have her her name monogrammed on it,and they sent me a green with periwinkle dots. So,I'm still looking around for a cute pillowcase that will pop!
Re painted the hairbow holder,and picked up that adorable chair at Ross. I had to re-paint the legs because they were scratched up,and they gave me 20% off. :) I got the mirror on clearance at HL.
And this is the small wall,between the door and closet. These are shelves Erik made for me when I was 17,and I just love them! I have repainted them a few times,because they have faded a bit. there are very sentimental things,like the porcelain doll from Erik's grandma Julia,a snow globe from her 1st trip to Disney,and some things Erik has brought home from his overseas travel.